Lies war with truth.

It has been a hard month. Not in terms of circumstances - that has been ups and downs, like the rest of life. Rather, it has been a bit difficult in terms of my soul, my spirit... I have been struggling with self-esteem/self-worth/self-doubt, whatever term you want to use.

Self - esteem, especially in terms of my looks, has been a struggle for me since my early teens. It got so much better after I found that my identity comes not from who I am, but whose I am. I am a child of God, loved and treasured by Him. Most of the time, I am confident in that. I know who I am. I know that I seek after God with my whole heart. I know that He has given me certain gifts. I know that even if He didn't, I would still be loved.

However, these doubts seem to be my thorn. My trigger. My area in which the devil can come in and attack. He feeds me lies about my worth, about my abilities, about my looks... about every area, bringing in doubts that eat away at my confidence in Christ and my identity in Him. For some reason, I can't seem to shake it this time. At the end of a day, I realize that I have overanalyzed everything I've said, looking for mistakes I made or thinking about comments people made that somehow I make out to be negative. And at the end of the day, I realize that I have let my joy walk out the door as soon as I let the doubts walk in. I don't know if you've faced these types of doubts before, but they shake you. They make life harder. Doubts pervade until all else is driven out and that is the only voice you hear.

Why? Why do I do this every time? Why can't I stand strong in who God made me to be?

When will I stand up and say 'enough!'?

God promises me joy. My heavenly Father calls me beautiful. He showers me with gifts that show His love and His grace. And He will grant me grace and the strength to get through this. To reject the lies, instead rejoicing in the truths that God gives me. He will bring beauty when all I see in myself is brokenness. I will trust "that He who has begun a good work will finish it unto completion," that I am "the apple of His eye," that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."

I will proclaim truth.