Objectified by men, valued by God.

***EDIT: I decided to post this. Not because it is comfortable (this is pushing the boundaries of my vulnerability - this one is requiring courage), but because I believe God asked me to and because I feel like I am not the only woman who has or will face this - how to declare God's truth about yourself when a man insinuates otherwise. 

Be blessed. In God's love and truth, be blessed.***

This might be one of those posts that I write but never publish. If you're reading it, then I guess I decided to press that button.

A man made a sexual comment to me today. It's not so much that I've never had people make sexual jokes around me or even to me - that sadly seems to be what happens when you work in a secular workplace. But he made this about me and to me.

It hurt. Not in a piercing sort of way, but in a devaluing sort of way. In that one sentence, he made me feel less than me. Less than a person. Less than a woman whose heart has been made beautiful and valued by Her Creator.

I can't really explain how much it bothered me. Maybe I should have had an easier time letting go. But I didn't. I couldn't shake that feeling of somehow being less. Being dirty, even though I did nothing to provoke the comment.

I couldn't shake it.

I closed the store by myself tonight, and on the walk from the store, across the field to the staff parking lot, I prayed. Out loud.

I prayed truth - that I am a daughter, most treasured by my Father the King. I prayed truth - that what one man said could not reduce my value. I prayed truth - that I can forgive the man who said that because I have a great God who forgave me.

Yet, that feeling clung to me. Maybe I clung to it. It was something that kept coming back during the evening.

I opened my Bible tonight, knowing I needed to refocus. I'm reading Isaiah right now, and the section I'm reading discusses how despite Israel having a God who loved them, they worshiped other idols. They held on to other things instead of God.

After I read, as I closed my Bible, I came across a prayer note tucked in my Bible that I had written during the school year.

In it, I thanked God for the girls in my dorm. For my friends. For my family.
But the next part of that letter, written months ago, stopped me.

"Bless x---, x---, x---, and x---. Please help me mean that.

Your love is strong.

You give so much, gave so much. I don't know how to thank you for that. I stand in awe of You.

S." 

I had listed by name people who had hurt me or people close to me. People who had been hard to forgive, that I still struggled with loving.

Reading this, including the thanks and the awe of God, made me remember where my focus needed to lie, when trying to love someone when it was hard.

My focus, when reconciling the feelings of disgust that arose from this incident, needs to be on the wonder of the God who calls me Pure, Beautiful, and Precious.

This is one more way that God brings beauty in brokenness - taking something harmful, a comment reflecting the brokenness of sin, and taking that shame away that is not mine to have, showing me the beauty of His love for me.

Perfected.

Heaven.

It's been on my mind a lot lately.

First, because I was thinking about how what we see now are glimpses of truth.

It puts things into perspective.

Not having a morning coffee? Not so important when you consider eternity. Sister borrowed something without asking? A friend posted an unattractive pic on Facebook? A bit less important when you consider that "we are a vapor."

Heaven is beauty perfected, to a level we cannot even fathom.
The kind of beauty that makes you cry.

Heaven is relationship perfected, with God and man.
The kind of relationship that makes you whole.

Heaven is learning, and discovering, and worshiping.

Learning perfected.

Discovering perfected.

Worshiping perfected.

I used to think that heaven was singing and harp playing with the angels. And that was it. I thought it would be boring.

The more I learn of God, of myself, of Scripture.... the more I'm convinced that it's not like that.

Heaven, ultimately, is my perfected self, as a child of God, being in perfect Unity, perfect Relationship, with the Holy One.

Tozer once wrote that we will be ourselves in heaven. I love children here, so how much fun will I have with the little ones that God brought home early. I love studying, but instead of books I will be able to ask Augustine  about the early church. I can ask Moses what it was like leading a whole nation across the desert and through a sea. I can ask John what it was like to follow Jesus in the flesh... How amazing!

How amazing to sit at the feet of Jesus and see His warm smile that I only feel now, but someday shall see! How incredible to have perfect communion with the Holy Spirit and to experience the glory and perfect Love of the Father!

On Thursday, as I discussed what heaven would be like with a friend, another family was finding out that their son, brother, and friend was killed in an accident.

He is sitting at the feet of Jesus. He is experiencing that love.

He is in perfect Unity with God. He knows the glory now that we can only guess at.

And someday, we will join him. In Perfection.

Desiring God.

When I'm hungry - really hungry - I head to the fridge. I don't easily get distracted by people, pets, to do lists, thoughts...

What about when I'm headed to God for nourishment?

Do I get distracted? By life?

How silly, when God is my life...

I think this, desiring God - needing Him with single-minded focus - is the connecting thread between everything floating around in my head the last few weeks. 

I've been reading John - the gospel that is devoted to God's love to us. I've been reading and listening to Francis Chan and Ann Voskamp, who are both devoted to working out God's love and grace in the everyday moments of life.
I've had the following things on a sticky note, things that I've been thinking about, things like pursuing the path of peace, healing the hurting, the 'least of these,' "God working with them."
I've heard two sermons, completely independent, on marriage, and how focusing on God together is the way to grow together - not by focusing more on each other, but more on God.

And I think the common thread in all of this is the need to have a complete, overwhelming, and all-consuming desire for God.

A desire to live each day, each moment, in light of His grace.

How does this work itself out?

Mark 16:20 says "And they went out and preached every where, the Lord working with them and confirming the word through the accompanying signs. Amen." 

Amen. So be it. 

The Lord working with them.

I think that is so very powerful. They went praising God and preaching, not in their own power, but in the power of God... Father, Son, and Holy Spirit giving them what they needed to spread Truth and share God's love. 

Are we called to any less? Although not necessarily in the same way, we too are called to share God's love, the Lord working with us. Us working with the Lord. 

Pursue the path of peace. That's something my dad used to always say. You see, when I was in high school, I would get so frustrated, because I wanted to get it right, to please God, but I felt that He just didn't give me enough ground rules. I wanted writing up in the sky saying, "Sarah - do A, B, and C." Dad said that God's peace is a form of His voice. 

God promises peace; therefore, when He grants that, I can take that as affirmation that I am following His will. But I must be desiring God to have that peace. It won't come any other way. 

The path of peace is the path that follows God and walks with Him. That takes who He has made me and the hurts of this world and speaks to my heart saying, "Sarah, love them as I love you. In my love. In my peace."

I'll give you my own example - what is on my heart. 

Healing the hurting... the least of these. 

This one lies so heavy in me. It is a refrain that has played through my life, a thread that is woven in my being. My heart yearns to see brokenness redeemed. Katie, author Kisses from Katie, moved to Uganda and adopted fourteen orphan girls as her own. She says that caring for the broken is not a request - it is a requirement! It is sobering, but true. Jesus says this so many times! The Bible talks a lot about 'the least of these.' Jesus, specifically, uses the term. He talks about not making them stumble. About not forbidding them to come to Him. About how loving them is like loving Him ("For whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.") What you have done for these, you have done for me. Wow. Big responsibility. Big opportunity. God takes this seriously. 

In my heart, I know this is true. I pursue the path of peace in seeing brokenness restored. 

But this healing of brokenness has to come from God. The inner yearning to see redemption comes from desiring God. 

I won't have a desire for others, a love for others, a connection with others, if I don't have a desire, a love, a connection with God. 

He has to be the starting point. Only then will I know how to work out my calling in bringing God's kingdom in the world. 

Only by desiring Him in my every day life, will I know how to work out His Truth in my every day life.

I want to know Him. His will in everything. His heart. For me. For others. To show and love and share. To take that desire, and to follow Him, for I know that while it takes sacrifice and surrender, only then do I find true joy and love and life. In Him.