I spent a lot of time looking at calendars today. Not to buy one. Not because the art was awesome. But my brain was pushing this: I need to survive the next seven weeks. And after that, I need to get this long list done in the next two months. And after that, the next year.
And staring at a calendar, at a clock, gives me the illusion that if I stare at, write down, plan, work hard enough, I can make it happen.
Now, I'm not saying burn all the calendars. As a teacher, my work life is ruled by the clock... bell for recess, bell for lunch, bell for bus. Gym schedule, computer schedule, classes. Calendars are essential. Long range plans. Upcoming events.
But, I can go too far. I can convince myself that it is my doing, my planning, that will get me through my schedule. I neglect grace.
Instead of writing "34 days left to get everything done," my time would be better spent writing "Trust in the Lord" on my heart.
Instead of stressing that family camping will take three days, that I forgot to schedule, out of my carefully planned summer life, I should really be thanking God for a blessed time to spend with the blessing of my family.
I literally have April through August planned out, almost day to day. That doesn't leave alot of time to look for God in my days. Being focused on doing often means missing the seeing. The seeing of God's love and truth in the everyday.
So as I go, consulting clocks and bells and calendars, they will be tools. Tools to plan ahead, yes; tools to fulfill my responsibilities, yes - but not taskmasters. I will look up at life rather than down at my schedule. I will focus on the people around me to enjoy, rather than the list in front of me to be done.
I will be present.